Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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