I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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