the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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