3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
zippers are such a cool invention
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
