at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
