I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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