i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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