you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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