You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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