this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
