She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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