chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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