I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
