Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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