ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
