Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
