I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
