Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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