His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
