Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
