My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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