hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
