I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
