I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
