He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
