So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
