I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
