About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
