May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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