There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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