I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
