so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
