I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
