I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
