Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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