I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
