am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
