I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
