How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
