what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
