The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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