Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
