You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
