I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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