Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
