I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
