I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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