I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
