We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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