dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
